


echoes of a spark

by solaert



Category: THE9 (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, another yuni goodbye, set in non-au idolverse, so like just think of it as their relationship dying :), there is no death in this fic but the number four /sounds/ like death in chinese
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:40:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28064085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solaert/pseuds/solaert
Summary: keni has a fascination with the number four. history repeats itself, and yuyan struggles to come to terms with the present.
Relationships: Yu Yan/Zeng Keni
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	echoes of a spark

yuyan debuts at rank four with over seven million votes. six months of blood, sweat and tears all comes to a head in a flurry of thunderous applause and blinding lights.

she had _won_.

offstage, keni sweeps her up into another bone-crushing hug, her tall frame folding in half just so she could rest her chin on yuyan's shoulder. yuyan could hear the pride in keni's voice as the taller girl whispered into her ear. "rank four... that's gotta mean something, right?"

keni had always been one to look for patterns that she could attribute to fate. it was why she was so fascinated with the number four. four for the number of years between their ages. four for the number of years they had spent apart. and now — four for the ranking that would keep them separated.

shying away from the truth would do nothing to alter it, so yuyan bluntly answers. "it means goodbye, keni."

"we've already said goodbye once." keni's voice is strangely serious, the halfway-to-laughter tone that was ever present now nowhere to be found.

 _'it doesn't make this any easier_ ,' yuyan thinks. she didn't need keni to remind her of what had happened the last time they had stood on a similar stage. at least, then, they had had some time to celebrate together before their shared triumph gave way to disappointing reality. this time around, yuyan's victory had only lasted for as long as it took her to cross the stage, towards the winners' seats and out of keni's reach.

(yuyan doesn't know which she'd prefer — the false promises from four years ago or the bittersweet victory she was facing now.)

keni doesn't acknowledge the dejection in yuyan's reply, too distracted by something she sees happening over yuyan's shoulder. "hey! your ride is here."

right. yuyan had an after-party to get to. she turns around to see her manager beckoning towards her.

"let's go." keni urges. "you can't be late." she tugs on yuyan's hand once, as if to emphasize the importance of her words. she's right - it is imperative that yuyan get there on time so she could make a good impression, what with all the sponsors that would be there scoping out the new group. already, yuyan's duties as a member of the9 were getting in between her and keni.

 _'so this is how it would be,'_ yuyan realizes. for all she knew, this might be the last time for two years she would have enough time to have a conversation with keni. yuyan wonders if keni would laugh at her if she were to be sincere now. 

if yuyan were to thank keni for all the late night practice sessions they've shared together, if she were to confess that being on stage without keni wouldn't feel the same, if she were to ask keni to just, please, come along with her to beijing ... would keni laugh? yuyan thinks that there's a whole dictionary's worth of words she could say to keni, but only a handful of moments with which she could say them.

unaware of yuyan's internal conflict, keni shoves her towards the exit. yuyan loses her balance, and with it, the courage to express what she really felt. picking herself off the ground, yuyan shoots a glare at keni. instead of the heartfelt farewell she had planned, yuyan delivers a half-joking threat, "you're gonna regret that."

"maybe in two years, i will." the smile on keni's face makes it seem more like a promise than a challenge.

"i hate you." yuyan resigns to a juvenile retort, too tired to think up some clever quip.

keni's reply is equally as childish, made even more so when she sticks her tongue out at yuyan. "actually, i think you love me."

yuyan rolls her eyes, letting the faintest of smiles shine through so keni knows she's only joking.

 _'you know i do,'_ yuyan thinks. the confession burns hot in her throat, but she swallows it down before it can come to fruition.

they've arrived at the awaiting car now, so yuyan uses it as an excuse to avoid looking at keni. she allows herself to be ushered inside, obediently sliding into the seat next to jiaqi. the automatic door takes far too long to close, and the cool air conditioning blowing directly in her face does little to cut through the suffocating tension creeping into her lungs. 

it isn't until after yuyan is hidden behind the tinted windows that she finally exhales. yuyan is grateful when she feels jiaqi take her trembling hand, gently squeezing as if to say "i know".

(jiaqi does know, yuyan supposes. after all, her four years with keni are nothing when compared to jiaqi's eight years with dai meng.)

yuyan thinks they'll leave it at that — an unspoken mutual understanding forged through each's own heartbreak — but jiaqi breaks the silence between them.

"it's okay to hope," jiaqi whispers, her voice earnest and warm. 

yuyan wants to believe jiaqi, and for a second she _does_ , because, for the most part, her hopes are harmless.

she hopes that all nine members would learn to live together and form their own version of a family. yuyan doesn't think she'd be able to withstand two years of strictly professional cohabitation. she hopes that they'll be given the next week off, if only so that keyin would stop her incessant whining. even now, yuyan could hear her loudly proclaiming "i'm so tired i could sleep for three days straight". finally, she hopes that her fans are proud of her, not just for the past half year, but also for the next two.

three harmless hopes are all that yuyan allows herself to have, and even then, just three is enough to leave yuyan scared. because if yuyan admits to the harmless hopes, then she would have to admit to dangerous ones — the ones that sit hidden deep in her heart, festering like an untreated wound.

because if yuyan were to be honest with herself, she would have to admit that, above all, she hopes for a day when the sight of keni's smile doesn't leave her frozen speechless, too afraid of breaking the moment to confess. a day where yuyan doesn't have to hide her own smile behind teasing laughs and eye rolls, only showing her affection in the guise of friendly banter. a day when she doesn't have to rely on keni to be able to read her heart, because it would already be laid out bare for her and the world to see.

a day when the ticking of time no longer outpaces the hammering of her cowardly heart.

but three harmless hopes and one dangerous one would make four hopes, and having four hopes was about as good as having none at all. it'd be much easier to just not hope, yuyan decides.

of course, yuyan couldn't tell jiaqi that. not sweet, optimistic jiaqi who sometimes reminded her so much of keni that it stung. no, yuyan couldn't put down jiaqi like that.

"thank you. i will." yuyan can't say she's all too surprised at the ease with which the lie slips out. when it came to keni, yuyan had practice. 

in the background, yuyan faintly registers the growling of the engine as the car finally starts. even through the window's reinforced glass, keni's final farewell is deafeningly loud. "you had better miss me!"

then, all too soon, they're pulling out of the driveway. all it takes is one right turn, and for the second time that night, yuyan leaves keni behind.

**Author's Note:**

> \- title taken from niall horan's flicker  
> \- this was the beginning of a much longer piece that i have ultimately decided to scrap. i hope most of this makes sense as a standalone, but if it doesn't, i probably had some connection planned for a later plot line that never unfolded.  
> \- here was the ending i had planned for the scrapped piece: yuyan should've known then, on that fated summer day, when keni had turned to her and replied "we've already said goodbye once", that she had really meant "we'll meet again someday".  
> \- just think of this as the sad ending ... i'm working on a piece that will _hopefully_ have a happy ending.
> 
> as always, hmu on either twt [@rainsoulie](https://twitter.com/rainsoulie) or cc [@gravityrtle](https://curiouscat.me/gravityrtle) with ur thoughts!


End file.
